How deep the Father's love for us

We are officially back in the hospital. But this time it is a good thing. Thursday morning is surgery, and I am this strange mix of excited and terrified. Excited because this means the child has a chance at life. He has a chance of being adopted into a loving family. He has a chance to grow and become an incredible man of the Lord. But I am also terrified. Terrified that this baby that I love is about to have his chest cracked open for major open heart surgery. Terrified because at home this operation it fairly routine- here it is a HUGE deal. Terrified because I have had endless conversations with pedi ICU friends who have prepped me a great deal of what to do when X, Y, or Z goes wrong.

So I sit here this morning in this hospital room going back and forth between these two emotions. But there's one truth that does not ever leave my mind…oh, how deep the Father's love for us.  

I cannot even fathom it, really. For a month I have stepped in to be the mother to a child without one. An opportunity I never would have imagined and one that fell into place very quickly. Since I have had this baby 24/7 for a few weeks now, I have come to know him, his personality, and his needs quite well. And he knows me. When he wake up, he reaches for my face to notify me that he's done sleeping. If I lay him on the bed and walk away to do something, he gives me about 15 seconds before he's going to scream out and make sure I haven't forgotten about him. When he sees that I am making a bottle, he starts kicking his legs about 100 miles per hour, as if it's going to get himself to his food faster. When he's done with his baby food, he communicates that by spitting back in my face what I first put in his. When he's tired he starts pulling his hair. The most soothing thing to him is to suck on the tags to his blankets and lovie (glad I didn't cut those off!) When he's sleepy he takes his pacifier great. When he's not it is more of a chew toy and something to make me play fetch with. He gets real excited about one of his rattle toys and tends to bonk himself in the face with it. His left pointer finger is our middle of the night life saver- if he puts it in his mouth, back to sleep we go! He HATES to have a dirty diaper. I mean, who would? But he is very prompt in letting me know when he has finished his business. 

I know this boy. I love him deeply. But the Lord knows him more. And the Lord loves him even deeper. Scripture tells us that the Lord knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows the number of days we will be on this side of heaven. He created us. He knows everything about us. Making his love for us unfathomable. The more I have gotten to know Daniel, the more I have grown to love him. When I put that into perspective of how much the Lord knows about me, how much he knows about Daniel- it magnifies our Father's love so much more. 

And it's that deep, steadfast love that allowed me to come to Bolivia. It's that love that overflows from our hearts, as believers, that we are called to spill over into the lives of others. And it is that same love that I cling to when moments are hard, when I am exhausted, when I am frustrated with my Spanish, and when I am rejoicing in all that God has done thus far. When our trust is placed in God's love for us, when that is the cornerstone of all we know and do, then no matter the storm that blows- we have peace.

When you look at the big picture of how this all came together, God's love shines through brighter than I have ever seen. It started with a faithful woman who moved her life to Bolivia at 20 years old. Over 10 years later she has an orphanage with 4 houses and tons of kids being loved by those who love the Lord. Now transition over to my life. I grew up going to a Christian summer camp. My last summer, I had a counselor- then she was Kayla Stewart. It was the beginning of a very sweet friendship. Years later, she is married and she and her husband obediently responded to God's call in their life to also move to Bolivia. Around that time, my best friend draws my attention to a medical missions organization. I then go with a team to Cambodia for a few weeks. I return home ready to go somewhere again. Kayla and her husband are in Bolivia- what if I stayed with them and served at a hospital near by? Long shot, but maybe! God paved the way and I got to work at a Bolivian hospital for a week in March. One day while here I am asked if I want to visit a baby orphanage…of course! The baby in my arms this moment was the first baby I held at Casa de Amor, having no idea what was next. His health situation unfolds. I cancel my trip to Haiti for May. I then get put in touch with so and so through so and so through so and so, and all of a sudden I am back in Bolivia, sharing in the joy of caring for this little one. 

Oh, how deep the Father's love for us. So many people working together within the Body of Christ that didn't even know it. And now a child has a shot at life. I love imagining the grand things the Lord is going to do to use this boy to build His kingdom! And what is so incredible is that the Lord is weaving together beautiful stories such as this one, constantly. There's never a moment that our God is not doing miraculous things. Our perspective is simply dependent of how faithfully we are walking with our Father.

As we sit and wait and wait and wait, I have had so much time to just be still with the Lord. In prayer, worship, and in the word. I am learning that it is when we sit in silence is when we hear His voice the loudest. And right now He is teaching me a lot about how deep is love for us truly is.