I love the PICU. And especially this one. Yes, we are in the third world. Yes, there is indeed a horrific shortage in resources. And yes, there is so much more education that could be done here amongst staff. But oh, they love so well. And they have taught me so much about how to be a PICU nurse over these last few days.
Most moments are well controlled. Vent settings are as they need to be and babies are resting. It's quiet. But when you know what hits the fan, it hits hard! Babies turn blue. Alarms go crazy. All of us start scrambling. And most times, a few minutes later- things are calm again. And we get back to focusing on loving babies and families.
I haven't spent a ton of time in a PICU before this, but I've picked up very quickly that the most important part of anyone's job here is to love well. To love each other well, the patients well, and the families well.
There are things here that terrify me. Like when they didn't have the right size AMBU bag mask for Daniel- or any other infant for that matter. But there's one thing that does not at all terrify me, and it's the ability for these people to love other people. Which is beautiful. Because that's the first and foremost thing we are called to do, to love God and love others.
When we first got here I didn't care to know much of who or what was going on around outside of Daniel. He was so unstable that I wasn't focusing any attention on anything but his vitals, breathing, and suctioning needs. After we got through the scary 24 hours, I was able to breath myself and I quickly joined into the community that I am surrounded by. There's an ICU doctor and resident always here. Then an average of about 3-4 nurses that swap out every 6 hours. I have gotten to know each of them well. They have been so welcoming of me being here and serving alongside them has been such a blessing. The doctors take me up to lunch everyday and the nurses are constantly feeding me some delicious dessert or drink. I'm spoiled.
In an intense environment like this, you become a family quickly. And even though I look different and definitely speak differently, they have brought me into this family of theirs.
In the last few days I have gotten to share in both the very dark moments and joyful moments with many patients and their families here. When things are bad, they are bad. But when things are good, oh boy are they good! When a baby gets extubated we all rejoice. When IVs, drains, and lines slowly come out as the days go on- we throw a little party for each. When a baby starts taking in formula and food PO again, we really know things are headed in the right direction. When a mother gets to hold her child finally after it's been days or even weeks- we all look up at each other and exchange sweet smiles. I didn't realize how much of a blessing this would be to share in these things from either end of the spectrum.
As Daniel has become more and more stable and as I've gotten to know the staff better, I've been able to see where I can jump in to help with other babies. They welcome the extra set of hands and the magnitude of all that I'm learning is incredible. Daniel is also spoiled. He has me here with him as much as he pleases. Other babies get an hour or two a day with their parents- maybe. So now that my little guy is doing so much better, I'm able to stretch my arms to the babies around me who's parents aren't here.
Yesterday a baby was brought after a complex open heart surgery. Even more complex than Daniel's. By the looks of him and his monitors, I could quickly see he wasn't doing well. He was in hypovolemic shock and wasn't stabilizing with fluids or blood on board. I prayed and prayed. Texted some friends to pray. This baby had no one here and I was fearful he was going to die. So as Daniel slept, I stayed by this other baby's bedside. Held his hand and stroked his hair. We squeezed the bags a little harder and continued to watch his numbers go in worsening directions. When I left last night I was not hopeful.
This morning I got here and the staff joyfully came to tell me "el bebe is mejor!" He had finally stabilized and turned the corner. Our little PICU family had so much to be thankful for! I still haven't seen any parents around for this baby. I pray he has someone at home that loves him. But I can confidently say that while he is here- he is being loved well.
The surgeon came by this morning to say we wouldn't be leaving the PICU today. Daniel's ejection fraction was a little lower than he would have liked and when they stopped his cardiac drugs, he didn't respond quite as well as he needed to. Things you can pray for, definitely. But nothing we are distraught over. And to be perfectly honest, I'm completely okay with another day in this PICU. With this staff, these babies, and these mommas.
When I do see the other moms for that hour a day, I love chatting with them. Most of them know the situation with Daniel and I, and they are all amazed by how God has provided- as am I. They also know I'm here all day, so I make sure they know when they are gone, their baby is loved and attended to.
A little while ago I was feeding one of the other babies when his grandmother came in to see him for the first time since surgery. She immediately began to cry over her sweet grandson. I continued to feed him and she prayed over him. Probably one of my sweetest moments here. I comforted his Abuela and assured her that her grandbaby was doing wonderfully. As I continued to feed him, she continued to pray. And it was so so beautiful.
To be a PICU nurse, you have to be intelligent, a critical thinker, and operate well under extremely high stress, but most importantly you must love. As Christians, the Bible tells us the exact same thing.
1 Corinthians 13 says this, "And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing."
This is so much of what I'm learning- both as a nurse and in my walk with Jesus. I love how The Lord has paralleled this truth for me in plain sight in my work in a PICU in a developing country. I knew God would do be things during my time here, but right now I can barely utter how amazed I truly am by His grace and willingness to teach us.
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