Thankful for not a God of statistics or expectations, but for a God oflove

The numbers of kids that die here is not even fathomable. And I've seen and held many that will fall under the horrific statistics this developing country currently holds. I am just plain tired of holding a sick baby, listening to crappy lung sounds, assessing their swollen and distended bellies, then consulting with one of our docs to discuss that we just can't do much.

I posted a picture earlier of a little boy I saw today, Sernic. He's so sick. Maybe measles. Definitely malnourished. If nothing changes at home, if the antibiotics our doctor gave him don't kick the pneumonia- he will die. Oh how I just held that baby and treasured every moment with him. We are working with a local church, I begged and pleaded they get contact info from his mother to follow up in a few days. 

Children shouldn't have to live this way. I just can't stand it. And it's just torture to assess them, figure out what's probably going on, and then knowing there's nothing that can be done here, but something that could be done at home. My heart is struggling today. I cried when I let that sweet boy out of my arms. And he's only one of many that we know probably won't make it with the current state of living here. Our patients seem to be sicker each day. Today was just a hard day. 

But the thing is, is that this is just a current state of living- it's NOT a forever state of living. And that's where my hope lies. For 7 days now I've been all across this country seeing patients with all sorts of illness all living in horrific depravity. But with every slum we drive past, or every sick baby I hold, I whisper to myself, "This is not the end. God is good. God is so so good." If I don't tell myself this consistently throughout the day, I will lose it. Waving goodbye to Sernic today, I almost lost it. 

This trip is wrapping up. I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. Even a little sick. But nothing in me desires the comfort of the states. I want to stay. I want to keep loving this amazing culture. I want to hug more babies. I want these people to know Jesus. In fact, I get sick to my stomach thinking I am coming home in a few days, back to my granite counter tops and 55 inch TV. Just sickening. And so humbling. My heart is torn in so many directions tonight. But each day I attain a greater understanding of the weight of God's grace. 

GOD IS GOOD.