Joy is not promised to be tangible

I'M DONE. Two semesters of nursing school down. One of which we have been promised was the hardest one we will endure. Not only am I set free from studying for a month, I am looking at a calendar and realizing that two weeks from TODAY I will be flying out of Dallas and across the world.

I feel justified to say I have been put through hell and back this semester. But understand this, I-ME-MYSELF-I am responsible for the misery that has come from much of my time this semester. Why? Because joy is not promised to be tangible. Here's a breakdown of my thought process thus far...if I am successful, I will find joy. In order to be successful I must keep my 4.0, be a rockstar in clinicals, and never have to redo a patient simulation. Here's a breakdown of how the semester went...as far as I know I said goodbye to my 4.0 yesterday, I had some very rough clinical days, and had to redo a particular patient simulation THREE freaking times last week. So all that was going through my mind has been FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE.

For those who are unaware, here's how grades and passing nursing school works:
4.0 + PASSED NCLEX = NURSE
3.0 + PASSED NCLEX = NURSE
2.0 + PASSED NCLEX = NURSE

Think about every encounter you have had with a nurse. Now tell me, what were their GPAs? Point exactly. YOU DON'T KNOW! Because it doesn't matter. So you are thinking to yourself, "Elizabeth, what the heck is your problem then?!" That answer is simple.

PRIDE & SELFISHNESS

What does a 4.0 do for me practically? Nothing, other than give me the self satisfaction of perfection. Which ps...worldly perfection isn't even biblical. So there's that. And then selfishness. When I become more wrapped up in a number than I do in my patient care, that's selfish. I am not going to nursing school for me, it's for the service and glory of our Savior. He doesn't NEED me to be a nurse. He has called me here, so it's time I stop making it all about me! It's time I stop seeking joy outside of the Lord. Joy is not found in a tangible number on a test or transcript. Because here's the deal, when we seek joy outside of the Lord, that's known as idolatry. And that's sinful. Seeking joy in grades before Jesus, is just as sinful as seeking joy in drugs, alcohol, or sex. Yes, the consequences in each are different, but the heart issue is the same.

So today I am praising the Lord for His GRACE. I am praising Him for this season that is tough. Praising Him for the process of sanctification. And praising Him for the INCREDIBLE community I have been blessed with. Close friends and mentors that have prayed with, encouraged me, and been super frank with me when I needed it. 

More than anything I love that I can look at this season and know that it is not in vain. Not at all. How can God use a prideful and selfish heart to serve Him overseas. That's not the kind of servant He is looking for. In two weeks I am going to be treating patients whom live in absolute poverty. As I have been continually praying for the Lord to prepare my heart for this trip, I realize that is what He has been doing all semester. Teaching me that sustaining joy cannot be found outside of Him. We are setting up clinic in jungles, orphanages, and one day in an inter city garbage dump (pictures below), where thousands of people live. There won't be much tangible joy to be found. But what I think is so crucial for me to realize, is that the same God I worship here, is there. The same Prince of Peace, same Alpha & Omega, same Lord of lords. There is no reason to not find joy amongst the hurt and heartache we are going to see. And that's the whole purpose. Of everything we do. Is to share the joy we have found in Christ with EVERYONE we come into contact with. 

SO. It's been a hard semester. But oh my, have I been blessed and learned a lot. I have clung to this scripture for as long as I can remember now, "Humble yourself before the Lord, so that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your anxieties on Him, BECAUSE HE CARES FOR YOU!" --1 Peter 5:6-7. Y'all, God is so stinkin' good. And I love that He looks down at our sinful broken selves and simply says, "lean on me, trust me, follow me." He doesn't love us any more or any less, despite how awful we can be. Jesus is love. The more I get to know the character of God, the more sinful I see that I am, and the more abounding I get to experience His loving and graceful arms. 

Please join me in praising God for all that He has taught me this semester. Please continue to pray for our Cambodia team as a whole, as we really are days form departure. Pray for safe travels and good health. Pray that our mighty God is gloried in every move we make. Pray that we would push our own agendas to the side, and allow for the Holy Spirit to take over. God bless and have a very Merry Christmas! 

These pictures took my breath away. We will be serving here one of our days. Really puts our "troubles" in perspective.....