When you truly let the Lord be in control

From the moment I first held that baby in my arms at the orphanage in Bolivia, I had this unexplainable hard and fast tug at my heart. Before I even had any idea that he was sick, I loved him so much and had this strange feeling that I would see him again. I didn't know what to make of it. I had no intent of coming back to Bolivia, I am not in a place in my life right now that I can adopt- so what was it that was telling me I was not done there? That would be Jesus, my friends. It was a little while later, just before we were getting ready to leave, that a volunteer began to explain the tragic news they had recently received from the hospital. This little tiny baby had a heart defect that would be fatal without surgery. In that moment,  the volunteer Hannah knew  what needed to be done, but the logistics of getting it all figured out was daunting. Just to give you an idea of what was going on at that point…

1. The orphanage had a malnourished and very sick baby on their hands in need of one on one care. That's difficult to come by when you have a dozen or more babies living in one place.  

2. Figuring out who would do it and when the surgery would happen was going to be a logistical nightmare. The healthcare system there is nothing like ours here. 

3. Thousands of dollars needed to be raised. You don't have the money up front- you will be turned away. 

4. Baby D had a lot of weight to gain between that point and when surgery needed to happen. And he had to be virus free. 

The outlook was grim and my heart broke has I listened to all of this. We weren't hopeless, but we were  being realistic about what was ahead. As I have said before, I left the orphanage praying so hard for this baby. What could we do? How could I help? I had a trip to Haiti planned for the month of May- but I had not committed yet. When I first spoke with the orphanage about returning for his surgery- they were thrilled about the idea! But again, they were very realistic about it. The odds of getting a surgery date for right when I got there were slim. There was so much that needed to be done in those short few weeks, and we had no control over when surgery would happen. My heart was split between excitement for returning, but I also very cautious in realizing there were so many details to come through in order for this to be a reality. 

Being thousands of miles away as we wait and wait and wait, has been the most difficult thing for me. Anyone who knows me at all knows that my type A- I want answers now personality- does not love situations like this one. But now looking back at the last few weeks, it has been the sweetest time with the Lord, because the only thing I could do, literally the only thing, was pray. So I did. Constantly. I prayed specifically for the issues I outlined above. I had my bible study praying, my close friends and family, I posted updates. The power of prayer was all I had- and that is truly all I needed. It's all we ever need. The Lord was in total control, I was told to sit and wait. So while I sat with NO CONTROL, this is what the Lord did…

1. A volunteer, Linnea, stepped up and started caring for Daniel one on one. She and the baby moved into a separate room which limited his exposure to the other babies. She diligently began working towards getting him healthy. She sought out suggestions from myself and others as to the how much he should eat, how often, and what things she should be watching for regarding his heart issues. This girl is a rockstar. Every minute of her everyday has been given to this boy, and because of that he is thriving. He is no longer malnourished and he has received the best possible care. Linnea leaves in a few days, but man has she served our Father and Casa de Amor well. 

2. Linnea has also been on the ball about getting him to every appointment scheduled. One after the other, it felt like it was just a lot of circles, until last week- WE GOT A SURGERY DATE!!! I had already bought my plane tickets a couple weeks ago. My time there was set in stone and I knew when I bought them that there was a decent chance that surgery may not even happen during the month I would be there. It was a leap of faith, but one I had an overwhelming peace about taking. I fly in May 8…SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR MAY 9! Gkjsdhflkdafgiuhgaskdjlfh what. It was exactly what we had hoped for, but not at all what we expected. 

3. Fundraising…the Lord has been nothing short of faithful. Churches in Bolivia stepped up. Donors in the states stepped up. Last I heard, it wouldn't hurt for a little more to be raised, but this was not going to be a deal breaker. (In my last update there are details of how you can donate if you feel called to do so!)

4. Daniel is within a pound of where he needs to be for surgery. And the hospital gave us a date, so that tells me they are confident he will be where he needs to be. He has also gotten over his most recent virus. Again, these things can be attributed to how incredible our God is in providing someone so wonderful to care for this baby. 

So there you have it. I had no control, God had it all, and look what has come of it. We are less than two weeks away from surgery. Lots- both good and bad- could still happen, so please continue to pray diligently over all of this. But I have never been in such awe of our God's faithfulness. From my worldly perspective, there was SO much to worry about. From the Lord's eternal perspective, there was nothing to worry about. And there never is. 

When I let my flesh take over my thoughts, I begin to do the what ifs…what if he gets sick in the next 10 days? What if there are major complications? What if the unimaginable happens? 

When I let the Holy Spirit consume my thoughts, I still realize those "what ifs" exist, but I place them at the feet of Jesus, and get to trust Him. There's so much freedom in walking with the Lord. I am called to serve, but free to set aside all anxieties and worry. In fact I am commanded to set aside all anxieties and worry.

"...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." --Matthew 6:34

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." --Matthew 11:28

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." --Psalm 55:22

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." --1 Peter 5:6-7 

Again, and again, and again we are told not to be consumed with worry. When I look back on the last few weeks and the prayers that the Lord has answered- I see why, it's obvious. But I also realize there will be times when it is not so obvious. So today I will rejoice. 

This is what happens when you truly let the Lord be in control!